It’s a Wonderful, Dented Life

I bought my husband a bell for our 25th wedding anniversary last month. Thinking we could keep it up all year long and ring it whenever we needed to be reminded that we live a wonderful life, despite how it might seem sometimes.

The first bell I bought didn’t ring. It was a Polar Express bell that only rings if you believe in Santa Claus. Hallmark just doesn’t get grown up children.

The second bell I bought on Amazon seemed perfect. Until it arrived. It’s a bell that announces It’s a Wonderful Life, has an angel wing and rings! I couldn’t believe such an awesome thing existed. But, it wasn’t perfect. It’s super cheap and was dented during its travels. more “It’s a Wonderful, Dented Life”

Mothers, Gratitude, Regret, and Wishful Thinking

Tomorrow on our cul-de-sac we’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving. A 24-pound turkey, Al, will not be thawed by tomorrow. Dinner may be late for our small gathering this year of 15. I am thankful to have a warm, welcoming home for 15 people to sit down together and laugh more than we cry -or drink.

My mother passed away this past Nov. 6th at 7:30 AM. My alarm went off at 7:30 and as I rolled over to hit snooze I noticed I wasn’t coughing up small hamsters from my lungs for the very first time in 3 months. When I stood up from my all too comfy bed I was hit by a weight of depression I hadn’t been experiencing for the last couple of months, so I noticed.

I got a call at 12:10 PM. letting me know my mother had passed away a bit unexpectedly. It was nice of her to take my cough with her. I’m sure it’s just a weird coincidence. But, still, it’s weird.

When my husband, the-very-patient-man, and I decided to have children I vowed to do everything I could to give my children a different childhood than mine. I succeeded and failed.

Now that one is in college and one a recent college graduate living her dream life in California, I have too much time to miss: their magical imaginations, shopping for their food and entertainment and education and positive reinforcements. I miss the few and far-between moments of my own mother’s attempts to do the same for me. My ‘nows’ are often made up of ‘thens’ and the wishful thinking that I could have done better, at everything.  I miss the way our life was, even in the midst of loving the way our life is. more “Mothers, Gratitude, Regret, and Wishful Thinking”

Just Because

My last blog post, Life We’re in It Together was a story about a friend and neighbor, Helen, who is beyond thoughtful and empathetic, she’s ‘empathoughtfulmaster.’ That word is soon to be an actual concept. Helen just senses the human experience of others and sneakily follows through on her phenomenal ideas.

Jennie Lee, one of my favorite people in forever, had her own sneaky idea. Out of the abundant goodness of her heart, she followed through on an idea to pay a kindness forward, in reaction to Helen doing more “Just Because”

I Didn’t Notice

I didn’t notice how you loved me yesterday.

I prayed that you would show me, that I would see one significant sign that you are still close and that you still love me.

But, I just ran errands and worked. I went shopping and bought chicken and green beans and cookies for dinner. I went to the bank to deposit a check from an extremely rare acting job.

I solved an emergency prom dress issue with what appeared to be luck and too much money.

My husband came home. He kissed me. My children talked to me. And hugged me. And laughed out loud.

I drove to work and home. Three times.

I had dinner with my family, something I am rarely home for. Because I have four jobs.

Late last night, in a quiet house, I laid down on the couch under ice. And watched Breaking Bad.

The cat purred next to me.

The hamster rolled by in her ball.

The dog stopped barking.

We all laid our heads on soft pillows and slept peacefully until the dog started barking again.

I didn’t notice you loved me yesterday.

Until today.

Thank you.